10. They’re boring. They don’t talk about anything interesting. Ever. And they are polite and never ever disagree with each other.
9. People were baptized naked. Yup. Naked. Oh my victorian/evangelical sensibilities!
8. What do you mean there were women in leadership in the early church? Church Mothers? Desert Mothers? Everyone knows that the only biblical model for women is to be at home in high heels and have supper in the oven.
7. We may have our view of communion challenged. What do you mean they celebrated communion weekly? Everybody knows you should only celebrate it monthly otherwise it becomes stale and rote.
6. The Reformers read the Church Fathers and look at how bad that turned out for Christianity.
5. They wrote in Greek (which is too hard to learn) and Latin (which is a dead language).
4. If we read the Patristics we may come to find that the heroes weren’t always noble and honourable and the villains (heretics) weren’t always the bad guys.
3. Everyone knows that “communion of saints” only refers to this current generation.
2. Their issues are in no way our issues today. All of our issues theological and ecclesiological are brand new and have never been experienced by any other generation of Christians.
1. Karl Barth was heavily influenced by the Church Fathers and everyone knows that if Barth liked it it must be wrong!