And Now For Something Completely Different…

…or, pharm this is what happens when my brain is fried.

I sometimes dream about doing something very physical, very practical, and something very not academic. It’s my escape, a way to give my brain a break, a way to cultivate my imagination.

I want to open a pizza shop in Caronport. Can you believe that there is no pizza shop in this college town? How great would a pizza shop be?

And so, in my imagination, I open a pizza shop. It’s a one-counter store. No tables, for people to sit it at, it would mostly be a “take away” concept.

I call it Theo Pizza. And the pizzas are named after theology topics and theologians.

The basic pepperoni and cheese is called The Apostolic – the original, basic pizza that becomes the foundation for all other pizzas.

Pizza flavours that I don’t like get to be named after heretics. So the Hawaiian pizza (by far the worst pizza in the world), would be named The Arius.

The meat-intensive pizza, sometimes called the Meat Pizza or the Mega Meat would be called The Karl Barth, because we all know that his Dogmatics are awfully meaty.

A basic super-cheesy pizza could be called The Joel Osteen.

And of course, there would have to be a pizza named after Caronport. So in honour of the long winter, I would create The Caronport — a white pizza with alfredo sauce, cheese, chicken, potatoes, feta and white onions.

Come and join me in the land of imagination. I invite you to imagine yourself at Theo Pizza. What pizzas do you envision on the menu and what would they be called?

  • The build-your-own pizza needs an open theism reference, because the designer of the menu doesn’t know in advance what the toppings will be. “The Pinnock”, maybe?

  • Or maybe the build-your-own pizza should be the “Arminius”, since the customer gets to freely choose the toppings.

    This is fun!

  • You could have a “Mystery Pizza” where the toppings are unlisted, and it’s made differently every time with a bunch of seemingly random ingredients so sometimes it would be great, but usually it would be . . . otherwise . . . and you could call it the Brian McLaren.

  • Also, I know you already associated cheese with Brother Joel, but maybe a cheese-only pizza could be called the Benedict (because of its simplicity).

  • How about Paul’s Romans Extravaganza: a pizza that is so complicated to build that the customer has to take some kind of written test to ensure they are going to understand and appreciate what it is they are eating.

  • Elizabeth D.

    What would we call the gluten-free pizza (that OF COURSE your pizza shop would make)? The Emerging Pizza, perhaps?!

  • The Brother Francis: a vegetarian pizza on which the various toppings are carefully chosen for their harmony of flavor.

    The N.T. Wright: with three kinds of pepperoni and six cheeses, it’s an in-depth exploration of your basic, standard pizza that will have you never looking at pizza the same way again.

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