The Princess Bride — Whedon Style

One of my biggest pet peeves is Hollywood’s insistence on sequels, reboots or remakes of perfectly decent movies. There are some movies that should and must be off limits from Hollywood’s lack of creativity. The Princess Bride is one of those movies that must not ever be touched. Ever. But the writer of TPB has been talking about how he’s been trying to write a sequel.

So I’m going to give Hollywood a hand. The only way the Princess Bride should be done again, be it reboot or sequel, is if it is left in the hands of Joss Whedon. And so, I’m putting on my “casting director” hat and give you all the official and only cast list for The Princess Bride reboot. This is largely inspired by the brilliant casting of the soon-to-be-released Much Ado About Nothing.

Westley: Alexis Denisof

Alexis has proved that he can play comedic and swashbuckler. This rogue demon hunter also demonstrated that he can play the lead, as can be seen in his upcoming turn as Benedick in Much Ado.

Buttercup: Felicia Day

Given that Alexis Denisof and Amy Acker have great chemistry, it would have been easy to choose Amy Acker for this role. But at the end of the day Felicia is the better choice. I mean, can’t you picture her saying the epic Buttercup line, “when I say you’re a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth.”

Vizzini: Fran Kranz

Fran has proven that he can play the “brain” in his turn as Topher Brink, and his twitchiness and quick wit (see both Dollhouse and Cabin in the Woods) would help bring Vizzini to life.

Inigo Montoya: Harry Lennix

Harry Lennix’s turn as Boyd Langton demonstrates that he can play both intense and emotional. Can’t you picture those intense dark eyes staring down Count Rugen, and with a quiet seriousness, Lennix saying THE line: “my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.”

Fezzik: Marc Blucas

No one can replace Andre the Giant. But if it was re-done Whedon-style than my choice is Marc Blucas. The way that he played Riley, he showed that he could handle a character who is good-hearted but not excessively bright. A good runner-up could also be George Hertzberg, who played the cyber-demon-human Adam in season four of Buffy.

Humperdinck: J. August Richards

Charles Gunn and Wesley Wyndam-Price fought side by side. Wouldn’t it be cool to put the two actors up against each as enemies instead?

Miracle Max & Valerie: Danny Strong & Emma Caulfield

Jonathan and Anya. Together. That is all.

Count Rugen: Nathon Fillion

After turns as Captain Hammer (Dr. Horrible) and Caleb (Buffy) I just love Nathan as the “bad guy.” His ability to play smarmy self-absorption would put a different (but equally funny) spin on the lines about “preparing the definitive work” detailing his “deep and abiding interest in pain”, which Christopher Guest had delivered with a quiet sociopathy.

The Albino: Alan Tudyk

“The pit of despair. Don’t…*cough, hack* don’t even think about trying to escape.”
Alan’s previous roles have encompassed a wide range of characters, from his humourous horror hillbilly role in Tucker & Dale vs Evil to the many faces of Alpha. I’m not sure how he would choose to play Count Rugen’s casually-sadistic lab assistant, but there is no way it would not be brilliant.

Chief Enforcer: Tahmoh Penikett

Tahmoh is awesome.

Clergyman: Tom Lenk

Lenk’s affected way of saying “vampyre” in his role as Andrew (Buffy and Angel) makes him the ideal candidate to talk about “mawwiage.”

The Grandfather: Anthony Stewart Head

Everything is better with Tony Head in it. Runner up for the role of the Grandfather could also go to James Marsters who just turned 50! (when did Spike get so old?)

So there you have it. The Princess Bride remade. This is the only way it can be done. I’ll await my royalty cheque! :)

  • http://charityjilldenmark.wordpress.com/ Charity Jill Denmark

    Ha! Truly inspired. Also made me miss *cough* most of season 1 of Dollhouse…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=558509291 Amy L. Harris Kendall

    But who is going to fill Fred Savage’s shoes?

    • CWtheology

      See that’s the brilliant thing. There are no kids in the Whedon-verse, so it could be any non-descript kid. Thinking about it, I was always annoyed by Fred Savage’s precociousness. I think they should cast one of the actors kids. Maybe Alyson Hannigan’s or SMG’s little girl. That would keep it all in the family. :)

  • Kim

    Topher Grace is the name of the actor from ‘That 70s Show’. Topher Brink is Fran Kranz’s character from ‘Dollhouse’. None the less, this list made me laugh out loud and I could actually see these actors in some of these rolls.

    • CWtheology

      Thanks for the catch. That’s what happens when I do the post while watching TVtropolis and that 70′s show on syndication while writing the post. :)

  • RtRDH

    I’m a heretic, I have yet to see The Princess Bride

  • joebrown42

    you missed one thing. NHS has to fit in.For me, that means Miracle Max.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/westbrook.jason Jason Westbrook

    I think Harry would also make an excellent Count Rugen. That said, having read the book, it would be interesting if they portrayed him as dark as he is in the book. For example, when Buttercup jumps ship, he cuts his arm and spills his blood into a goblet threatening to dump it into the water to stir up the sharks (yes, sharks. Not eels.). Still, Fran would be an awesome fit regardless.

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  • Brian Westnedge

    Ok, now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I agree completely with your opening paragraph – the Princess Bride should never be touched. Even so, Hollywood has a really bad habit of remaking/rebooting movies that shouldn’t be remade/rebooted, the idea of a remade Princess Bride is a strong plausibility. Further, if it were to be redone with Whedonverse actors, I like your list, although I wonder at a few tweaks.

    #1 – Wesley – I like Denisof and I think he’d do a great job. That being said, it is my feeling that a remake/reboot should bring something new to the table, and I can’t help but feel that Denisof’s Wesley would be more or less the equivalent to Elwes’. Would you consider NPH instead? NPH is a few years younger (and looks like he’s still 14), so that might play better. Plus, you woudl be able to play off the tension built into Dr. Horrible with him and Felicia Day (assuming you keep Day as Buttercup . . . and really . . . why would you not keep Day as Buttercup?)

    #2 – Obviously, Fezzik is a problem because, as you say, you can’t replace Andre. I’m not entirely sold on Marc Blucas in that role. I wonder if Chris Hemsworth would be able to step into the role and offer more of a Novel version of Fezzik instead of the Movie version that we love in Andre?

    #3 – Perhaps it is personal preference here, but I would put Nathan Fillion as Humperdink. This allows (again) to play off of Dr. Horrible, while still allowing Fillion to be the bad guy. I also think that Fillion just fits the character of Humperdink better, plus, it opens the door for James Marsters to play Count Rugen!

    What do you think?

  • awritersalchemy

    But this amazing post is missing all FIREFLY references. Please don’t tell me you haven’t (obsessively) watched FIREFLY?

    • CWtheology

      Take another look. Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk are both from Firefly.

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  • http://deityshmeity.blogspot.com/ Grundy

    I would totally see this. The Fran Kranz and Anthony Stewart Head casting is especially great.